In 2009, I was in LA attending school. I’d only been there about 2 weeks or so. Sophia was back in FL living her life, minus me. We would talk, but it’s never the same. I was there for 4 months whether I liked it or not, alone. Everything felt so far away. I hadn’t really made any friends, I was in a world I didn’t know. The whole time I just kept asking, “Did I make a mistake? Is this really what I was supposed to do?”

One night, after working really late on a project, partially because it needed and partially because I had nothing else to do, I was walking the half mile home from the school to my apartment. It’s pitch black out, around 330 in the morning. Nothing moving. Maybe a car here and there, but overall, the world was silent. As I was walking along the last sidewalk before entering the complex, lost in my thoughts of despair and depression, questioning my entire existence really, I looked up. Around the bend hopped a blackbird. Just a regular bird, nothing extraordinary about it. He was probably 15 feet from me. As he neared, I stopped. Just looking at him. He kept approaching me. I noticed he was slanted to one side, bearing a heavy weight. His left wing was broken. No movement in it; a hanging extremity. As he got about 6 or 7 feet from me, he looked up, saw me, hopped down off the sidewalk, and went right past me on the street. We made eye contact the entire way. After he was about 7 feet behind me, he hopped right back up on the sidewalk and on around the bend.

Now, you may think that it was just a chance encounter or a random occurrence, but I KNOW, with every fiber of my being, that that bird was a sign from above. Never before had I felt a connection to God as strong as in those few seconds that our eyes locked. There wasn’t pain or hatred in the bird’s eyes. Only sadness. But it didn’t seem like it was an internal sadness. The sadness was for me. Sad that I felt like I was lost. Sad that I wasn’t happy in the life that I had chosen for myself.

The point of a bird is to fly and this bird couldn’t! Yet, he was sad for me! Why? His wing was dead weight, slowing him down, no doubt going to get him killed. But, in his travels, I saw something. Happiness. He was happy. Maybe he just ate a worm or something but the way the bird hopped around, without skipping a beat, told me that inside, he felt joy. I know how dumb this all sounds. Birds have the brain about the size of a pea. But, I am telling you with all sincerity, I saw these emotions in this blackbird.

Why should I, birthed of joy and love, feel sad? I have been given the gift of a full and healthy life! I can fly if I choose to! There is nothing holding me back!

The rest of the walk back to my apartment was no longer one of sadness and loneliness, but of hope. I knew that bird was a sign meant specifically for me. I knew that the journey I was on was ordained to happen. I knew right then that my life would be ok.

So, when thinking about my logo as a Cinematographer four years later, I immediately knew it had to be a bird. I had no other choice. My career, my job, my life is where it is at because a bird was sent to comfort me, when I needed it most. And I will never forget the blackbird with a broken wing, that couldn’t fly away.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night

Take these broken wings and learn to fly

All your life

You were only waiting for this moment to arise

“Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.” Matthew 6:26

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It’s that funny thing that you can’t force. You can’t fake it. It happens, at the strangest times and places. The other day, I was just getting out of the car at night. The wind was a bit nippy, the sky dark. You could see for millions of miles into the abyss above. I looked at the stars for a brief second. And in that second an entire story came to me.

A family, living in the city, takes a weekend trip to the middle of nowhere. The mother and father are trying to connect to their oldest son. While they’re out there, all the stars become spaceships with intent to attack our largest civilizations. The family has to survive. Boom. Story. No thought. No outline. Only a moment of inspiration.

I can’t explain how many times I’ve been shooting, had a moment of clarity and just on whim setup a shot that ended up being the best shot of the whole day that wasn’t even on the shot list. Inspiration.

No matter your religious views, your background or your personality, inspiration has all hit us at random times. Maybe not in the creative field. But even in the law world or the financial institutions. At work, at home, in the car, in the shower. It has no rhythm or rhyme.

Be susceptible to these moments. As a rule follower and someone that likes to do things like pretty much by the book, it’s hard to accept these moments. They normally don’t make sense or they go against some rule you have in your head. They push you, put you in situations you didn’t even know you could come out of. Or, they’re so off the wall, you’re afraid of what someone might think of you for saying it. Or worse, actually DOING it. But, those that are inspired do wonderful things.

Every boy in love has doing something for his beloved because they inspired him. My wife inspires me daily. Without her, I’d never even considered cinematography or anything creative. But she pushed me into this world of discovery.

Inspiration can come in infinite forms. Where will you see it? Will you follow that inspiration? What inspires you?

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“Behind every great man is a greater woman.” In general, this is quote a true statement. There’s something to be said for the importance of having a strong backing to make you step out of your comfort zone. But, I might change it to saying that behind a great man, are great friends and family.

5 years ago, I was working as the 3^rd generation is a fairly successful company. I could have stayed, worked, learned the business in hopes of one day taking over. For 2 years, I gave it everything I had. But, when it came down to it, I wasn’t happy. It had nothing to do with the job or the people; it was that my heart was fulfilled. But, how do you leave that? There’s a lot of security and safety there.

After much deliberation and prayer, I decided it was time for me to leave; to pursue what I thought at that point was my career. Never, ever, ever, ever would I have made that choice with the strong belief in me that my loved ones had. Their encouragement and support gave me the confidence to say “Yes” to life.

Without those people standing behind you, saying you can do it, no one would ever have the confidence of doing anything risky. Lots of athletes say, “No one thought I could do it. I am proving them all wrong.” I think those athletes forget the coaches, the fans and their family that supported them when things were bad. Maybe that’s a naive view of his or her world, but no one person has ever done anything special without a backbone of support.

Being an artist and a dreamer, there’s a lot of self-doubt. Confidence can be destroyed and built in a single instance. I never would have reached the confidence level that I have today without the support. Without the words of encouragement. Without the prayers I have received. And that past support gives me the confidence to reach even higher. Why? Because I know those people will be there for me in the future. No one wants to see you fail. When you do fail, they’re there to pick you up. They’re not disappointed. They know that you’re human. So be open and honest with them about your success and failures. The great thing about those people is there isn’t a judgment to be had. They already love you and want to succeed. A support system is the most important thing in a person’s life.

So, I want to take this space to thank so many of those that have been supportive of me in my wild and crazy dream. Sophia, my beautiful wife. Mom, Dad, Gus, Kelsey, Rose, my amazing family. Mrs. Holly and Mr. Randy, my in-laws. Jay and Audrey, the best bro and sis in law. My grandparents, Gene and Shirley Hyde and Art and Ramona Alleman. My friends who have been there since the beginning, Ian, Angelo, Tony, Phillip, Jeremy N, Kelsey N, Howie and Hannah C, Matt and Nikki G, Mike H, Mike R, Scotty and Nikki D, Mitch and Deborah W, Chris and Melody F, Bobby and Jill T. , Autumn and Chad K, Cheyenne and Derek S, Jeremy C and Charleene C and all those others that I couldn’t possibly remember. You guys have made my life so incredibly full. No words, gifts, ideas, things, places could possibly begin to thank you in the way I wish I could.

But, thank you.

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I love music. Not in such a deep way as some people that can name every band member and every song from a niche style of music from the 70′s. I love theatre. Not as much as some that have every playbill from every broadway show and can tell you the name of the cast, director and ticket taker in NYC. I love photography. Not as much as people that walk around, camera in hand, taking pictures of everything that comes into sight. I love movies. As much as anyone I’ve known. Some are more knowledegable, some are more talented, but no one is as dedicated and as passionate as I am.

The first time I made a movie, I had no idea what I was doing. I don’t even remember the camera I used or how I even edited it. I just know what when I finished it, I never felt so accomplished in anything in my life. From there, it was an obsession. I’ve learned, read, shot, edited, written, discussed, watched, dissected and even cried over movies everyday since the day I finished that first film. Ask my wife. I’m sure it gets annoying and overwhelming. She sits through hours of TV and films just to make me happy. I know she would rather be doing something else, but that’s how much of my life has become movies.

It’s not about the fame. It’s about the story. I love stories. As a kid, listening to someone tell a story that I could visualize and throw myself into was the best. My favorite author is J.R.R. Tolkien. If you’ve ever read a passage of his, you know what the world you’re in feels like, looks like, sounds like, smells like. Everything. I can see it. When the Lord of the Rings trilogy came out, it wasn’t just a movie to me. It was an experience. When The Hobbit trailer appeared this past winter, I teared up. Honestly. That’s how much I love and connect to epic tales and dark dramas and light hearted comedies. We can all put ourselves in them. That’s why I love to tell those stories.

Why films? The opening of this was a very open, blatant confession of things I love. But, film takes all of those things and mixes them into one. Ever watched a movie without the soundrack? It’s kind of bland. The acting has it’s roots in the theatre realm. Look at the Peter O’Toole, Marlon Brando, Laurence Olivier. All of those guys came from the theatre. Amazing actors. Today, acting is much different than those times, but it’s still portraying the emotion and life of the character they’re living at that moment. Photography: my favorite part of the film. If a film has good visual aesthetics, I can almost always bypass a bad soundtrack or bad acting. But if something visually is wrong, or if it is just poorly shot, I am immediately uninterested. With visuals, you can tell the entire story without saying a word. Think back to the silent film days. Then, there was no dialogue and in the early, early days, there was no music. It all fell on the camera and actors to show you what was happening. Those still apply today. Often, I will turn off the sound of a film I’ve seen before, just to see how the Director of Photography (DP) told the story. Sometimes it even enhances or points out things I didn’t notice before.

But, all of these things don’t answer the question of why I want to do this. Here is why: nothing in my life has ever made me feel as complete  as when I’m behind the camera. I’m light years behind what I want to become, but I know, deep down, that I was given a gift to tell a story visually. I remember in high school always wanting to take my parents camera and learn photography. I never was allowed to go, but that desire to learn a camera never left me. When I did buy my first camera, I loved it, but something was still missing. Then, I made my first movie. It was a small, junkie script with my friends acting and just me on crew. I was writer, director, DP, editor, producer, caterer, grip, cable wrangler. Everything. And I loved it. Now, everytime I step on set, I’m a kid again, wanting to take my parents camera and see what I can make of it. I obviously have more knowledge than I’ve ever had, but it’s not enough. My desire to learn is not satiated yet. I want to grow more, to see more, to shoot more. I want to make images that scare you, make you laugh, make you cry. I want to shoot a film so beautiful, you’ll wonder why you’ve never seen that much beauty in your own life. I want to make a movie that you’ll never forget. I want to tell a story that may one day change yours.

That’s why I want to be a director of photography.

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